Show About an Awkward Guy and a Girl Is Telling Him I Love You Over and Over Again
Written by Writer's Corps member Emily Desanctis
Disappointing someone is tough. Most of us will do somersaults to avoid the uncomfortable interaction of telling someone the reverse of what they desire to hear, specially when it involves romantic feelings.
When you really care about someone, it's too equally hard to exist on the receiving end of "I'm not looking for a human relationship right now." Keeping the following tips in mind will help you lot evangelize the news in a way that's as healthy and painless every bit possible, for anybody involved.
Define the dynamic upfront
The all-time way to approach this topic is early on. Whether you're looking for something casual and want to go on it that fashion, or whether yous're not interested in anything at all, clarifying this from the beginning helps avoid confusion and bad-mannered conversations subsequently.
Certain, over time your feelings may modify—and so might this other person's—but starting out the discussion from an honest identify grounded past how yous experience in the nowadays is a must.
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Express The Situation In Terms Of Your Feelings And Needs
Forget personal insults, apologies, or arraign; instead exist honest and direct with how you feel, what y'all need, and how that isn't aligned with being in a human relationship. For instance, maybe you lot're feeling overwhelmed with classes and y'all need to focus on your schoolwork; or possibly you're feeling excited and curious about being newly single and you demand some time to explore and figure out what you really want without making any commitments.
Whatever the situation, focusing on feelings and needs volition help prevent information technology from escalating into an argument. It may be that this other person's feelings and needs are in straight opposition to yours, and that'south perfectly okay. As long as they're stating these in a non-accusatory manner that doesn't minimize your needs, hear them out while staying truthful to what'south correct for you.
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Explain Your Perspective—To A Point
Choosing non to be in a relationship is a personal choice—a freedom that y'all shouldn't have to defend or over-explain. You could leave it at that or you could become into more detail, helping the other person understand your perspective.
In some cases, taking fourth dimension to explain how you feel can assist them improve take your conclusion and move on. It tin also communicate a degree of respect and care for their feelings. However, talking through your perspective is only helpful to a point—as long as y'all're comfortable and the conversation is good for you. If it shifts into unhealthy territory where the other person is trying to change your mind or brand you feel bad, for case blaming or guilting you for your decision, end the conversation.
Exist Kind And Unapologetic
Deciding y'all don't want to exist in a human relationship—whether with a specific person or in general—doesn't mean you lot accept to plow into a cold, unfeeling person when y'all express how you feel. Office of being mature is having conversations you don't desire to have in a way that respects yourself and the other person involved.
If the other person tells you lot in a salubrious way that they're bummed at your 'no', you could express understanding for their reaction and regret at their hurt feelings. But exist conscientious to draw the line at taking the arraign; for example, if they say "I can't believe y'all would do this to me. You knew how much it would hurt me, and you did it anyway" or something to this event that blames you for not getting what they want. Your needs are ever valid and taking care of yourself is something you should never take to apologize for or be made to feel bad about.
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Nosotros're all used to movies showing us that 'no' is merely an opening for an unwanted yet persistent suitor to make their case and modify your mind. Fifty-fifty though it'southward portrayed every bit heart-thumpingly romantic, this behavior really signals that someone doesn't respect your boundaries, and therefore is non something yous want to encourage or accept if you want to have a salubrious relationship.
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Perhaps you will somewhen want a relationship with this person, and you'll end upward together. Or maybe yous'll realize it too belatedly afterwards they've already moved on with someone else. Or perhaps you won't always requite them a second thought. You can't predict what yous're going to want in the future and with whom. All you have to proceed is how you lot feel and what y'all need today. If you focus on doing what's right for y'all at this moment, your decision—and how to limited it—will reveal itself conspicuously.
Acquire more tips on how to permit someone downwardly easy or other healthy relationship advice on the One Honey blog.
Source: https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/how-to-tell-someone-youre-not-looking-for-a-relationship/
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